things change so quickly...

it's hard to catch your breath, sometimes.

that's kind of what this year has been about. constant, sweeping change. over...everything.

it's been, well...it's been a year.

i'm...im dumb. you know when you've got something secret and you think you're being sneaky, but then there are days when you just feel like everyone knows everything? yeah.

that's not exactly why i'm dumb, i'm just...sigh.

in other news, all wedding cards are horribly written. all of them. and apparently, at this juncture, all the wedding cards at target have horrible writing in them. no blank wedding cards, they.

i'm sewing a dress to go to said wedding. this dress wil be awesome. and it feels good to sew again. like, really sew. not jsut 'i need to make something that can be torn off easily', but like an actual dress. for use in non-wrestling moments.

it feels good to tell the truth, too. i'm big on honesty anyway, and, well, i reckon i don't have as much courage as i should. or i get it and i get it at the wrong time, nu? anyway...i'm big on being truthful, especially when you don't really have anything to lose. or, that everything is kind of null and void anyway...sigh...

might get drunk again tonight.

help me obi wan kenobi*...

you're my only hope.

* if you are reading this note, you are obi wan kenobi. congrats jedi master.

so, yes. i no longer work at norcostco. this is great. great because that job was not great. at all. wowsers. worst job ever.

i love, love, LOVE my new job. Love it. can't say enough how happy it makes me. i'm at the center for puppetry arts in their distance learning program. i get to teach kids, make crafts, and be around as much puppety goodness as i can be around before i get tweaked out and have to get away from it. but...it's only part time.

you see, mama left hell to find something better, and it's working-ish. i'm fine monetarily until i pay october rent. then...we'll see.so, you my friends, if you hear of anything - even if it's like a week of stuffing envelopes - please, please, PLEASE let me know. i'm about to be CRAZY strapped for cash/living expenses and i don't really want to move in with my folks. i am not 'above' waiting tables, but would like to save that as a last resort and even then i'd still be looking for a steady day-time thing.

let me tell you when i can work - 2:30 to 5:30 or 6 (some nights even 6:30) M-Th, all day Friday (so, like 9 to 5 or 10 to 6 or whatever). that's - for those of you keeping track - about 22 hours that i can work per week. i'd like to avoid nights and weekends, if possible. but if you hear of something that needs doing and will pay me to do, and it's on the weekends, please let me know.

i'm sorry to make this whiny/help me/i'm an idiot so help me find a way to eat, but uh...yeah.

thanks for your time. lemme know how i can help you...word.

oh, and if you stumbled over here from another blog, with the promise of fun times, just...read other things...or i'll get goofy and post something here...whatever...

oh wait, no

there's more.

this is the fall, and in the fall i tend to have really strange, vivid dreams. spring, too. damn you, transitional seasons! i think this is partially because fall tends to be me making big life changes, and spring tends to be a giant relief for me. in any event, weird dreams. a lot. and they're sometimes funny. so i share now a funny one and leave it up to interpretation.

so, i'm standing around with a bunch of friends, chatting away, and we're all talking about our days or whatever, and someone asks me what i did all day. and i go 'ugh, i was at work all day'. and then my dream jump cuts to my work. my work in this dream, apparently was sitting in a really hot room all day, poking some guy wearing tighty-whiteys in the balls with a sawed off broomstick. his job was, apparently, to be poked by me in the balls with a sawed off broomstick. i had some vague idea that this may have been for science, but there wasn't anyone watching or keeping track of what was happening. i couldn't see the dudes face, absolutely zero abuot this dream was sexy. all i could see was underwears, some torso, some thighs. i'd poke him, pretty gently in the balls, wait for him to sound like he was not in pain and then poke him again. all day. this was my job.

i have no clue what this means. unless me poking a dude in the balls was somehow analagous to working at norcostco...which...i kind of doubt. although, i dunno, i remember hating the balls-poking job in the dream and i REALLY hated the norcostco...so..who can say?

but yeah. it's pretty funny. no? get drunk, then read this again. Funny? Funny.

startling revelations!

1. i feel bad that i don't have an 'adult' understanding of catholicsm (i.e. the religion i was raised in). possibly bad enough to head to mass. Schwa? me too.

2. nah, that's really the only one i've had today. but it knocked me out for a minute or two.