so, the onion's av club had (as usual) a lovely article on friday in their better late than never feature. it's all about book and novel of to kill a mockingbird. the article is short, well composed, totally worth reading. the insanely huge comments section (or at least the first thread) is also worth your time.
i'm here, at work (the bad one) on a saturday (the second to last saturday that i'll have to be here) so i've been doing lots of hiding in my office and dicking around on the internets. i read a lot about ol' whatsherface, the one that mccain just chose (she's a nut job), found a new to me lefty political blog, and have generally been sad that i'm not somewhere else. and of course, read that first thread of comments on that article.
which has gotten me thinking about the books i was assigned to read in high school and how i generally didn't read them until after high school. or haven't read them at all. or have picked them up several times (i'm looking at you, Huck Finn) and gotten distracted.
i've always considered my self a logic-based person who bases personal logic on intuition. if that makes any sense. i do a lot of things according to my 'gut'...lots of experiences i give myself are cravings based. i have seasonal whims and i try to follow them. along with that, i feel like sometimes i need to be in the right place to appreciate certain things - novels, music, movies, plays, stuff along those lines. so, i could make the argument that i didn't read my assignments because i didn't feel that whatever book it was fit me at the time.
this would be a lie. i didn't read the assignments in high school (and to a large degree college) because i've never given a shit about grades or grading and have always been smart enough to come out on top. i have written MANY a research paper on intuition alone (as opposed to actual research) and still been factually correct (and lost points for not citing my sources...which makes perfect sense). also i have issues with authority, although there was only one english teacher i had that i chose not to read things out of spite. i liked all the other ones.
still, whether it's from guilt, or wanting to catch pop culture references, or feeling the need, i have been trying to plow through old reading lists. i figure, at the very least, i still have the books, i've been trying to read more lately, what the hell? i even brought a HUGE pile of books down from my parents house that i intend to approach or re-read in teh near future.
i have found in doing this that (a) high school kids know jack shit about anything and (b) i believe that 'classics' are classic for a reason. they hit you on a visceral level and they're hard to shake. that may be my favorite thing about to kill a mockingbird, actually. it just stays with you. forever. and granted, that's one of my favorite books and i've read it like 4 or 5 times now (and am now craving it again), but even in the 4 + year break from my initial read of it to my first re-read, it's been a cultural marker for me.
so, here's what i'm going to do. i'm going to make some lists. this is mostly for my own personal edification. but i guess it's also to see what a slacker i am.
Books that were on the syllabus in high school (a * denotes the things i actually read...when they were assigned):
A Separate Peace*, Great Expectations* (i shouldn't include the * here, actually. we read it out loud in class from our text books and it was GREATLY abbreviated. i would not have read it outside of class. in fact, i didn't. oh, if there were only a half-star...), The Grapes of Wrath, The Scarlett Letter, The Adventures of Huck Finn, Uncle Tom's Cabin, Reviving Ophelia* (this was SO not on the cirriculum, and SOOO just what i needed to read), The Great Gatsby*, Trinity (i have since read this one, and it is amazing), Canterbury Tales, The Screwtape Letters, Cry the Beloved Country*, Beowulf*, Things Fall Apart*, Siddhartha*,
- i know i'm forgetting a lot from this list. which makes sense...i didn't do a lot of the reading, so, how the hell could i remember it? -
Things I read that were 'assigned' but on a list of books to choose from (or were a particular style we had to learn):
Rebbecca, The Stranger, The Last Days of John Lennon, All My Friends (it was a george burns book. not an autobiography like it was supposed to have been...oops)
Things I went ahead and read (and remember reading) in high school while i wasn't reading the stuff on the reading lists:
1984, Catcher in the Rye, Slaughterhouse 5, In Cold Blood, Gone With the Wind, The Shining (the unedited version), Farenheit 451, a whole bunch of plays...other ones, too, but i don't remember them as vividly.
i'm not even going to try with college...oh man...so much i didn't do for class, and so much that i read. and i couldn't afford cliff's notes/wasn't industrious enough for sparks notes. but i did all right. and right now i'm going back and have picked up justine from the one brit lit class that i took in college. it's okay. stream of conciousness, so it takes a lot of effort to follow it. effort that mama don't have right now.
a lot of things that most kids were required to read (Lord of the Flies, Brave New World, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Catch-22, etc...) i've read as an adult. which, i can see how i would've gotten a lot out of these as a kid, but they (or at least the four i mentioned) knocked me on my ass as an adult. and there's a lot of books that i've added to the collection and been unable to read (for any number of reasons). they're on the pile. in fact, i've got a MASSIVE pile of 'to reads'. and if any of you, oh faithful readers who have made it to the end of this rambling, mostly personal blog, have any books that i HAVE to read, please let me know.
Because...and here's the point...i used to read all the time and it makes me sad that i don't anymore. because reading makes me real happy. so, the goal is to start reading again. i've got a pile (a sprawling, massive pile) but i'm always happy to add to it. so, lemme hear what you've got.
Ah...yes.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
vi-o-lent dreams
i had a dream on saturday night that i was sleeping in my office at norcostco. this was unusual for any number of reasons, not the least of which being 'norcostco' - for the purposes of my dream - was set up like a ranch-style house. where the shirt room is was a kitchen with lots of windows. the gel room was a sitting room, once again, with lots of windows. the showroom was the same, but instead of leading off to costume rentals there was a sitting room with a tv. then the costume shop was a sort of ante room and my office was set up like a bedroom. all the furniture was old and distressed. it was clearly an old house in a small town in the south that had been shoddily converted to a kitchsy theatrical merchandiser place. and i believe the whole thing was on cinder blocks, as though it had been plucked from monticello, ga and placed in the middle of atlanta.
there was a ton of people in the store when i decided to call it a night. some i knew, some were just dream people. but instead of looking at crap to buy, they kept following me like a tour group as i did all my stuff. i tried to explain to them that the store was closed and they should leave, but they didn't get the idea until i told them it was time for me to go to sleep.
so i tuck into my bed, am drifting off to sleep and i hear loud voices outside. trying to get inside. adn though they were laughing and joking, it was clear that they were 'doing a job'. i went to investigate and got to the kitchen. two dangerous lookin' guys were trying the screen door. they didn't see me, and i tried to run into the sitting room, forgetting that they were gonig in the same direction (towards the front door) and that the room was full of windows. i caught one of them's eye, tried to hide on the wall and woke up. it really freak
ed me out.
let me explain.
this is the second time i've had a 'they're at your screen door try not to be seen, oh shit they saw you' dream. oddly, it was about a house i was living in during college (which may have actually been on cinder blocks) that iw as about a week and a half from moving out of. this is the interior of that house and my roommate. he wasn't usually this slovenly or angry looking. that's why i took the picture.
there was a ton of people in the store when i decided to call it a night. some i knew, some were just dream people. but instead of looking at crap to buy, they kept following me like a tour group as i did all my stuff. i tried to explain to them that the store was closed and they should leave, but they didn't get the idea until i told them it was time for me to go to sleep.
so i tuck into my bed, am drifting off to sleep and i hear loud voices outside. trying to get inside. adn though they were laughing and joking, it was clear that they were 'doing a job'. i went to investigate and got to the kitchen. two dangerous lookin' guys were trying the screen door. they didn't see me, and i tried to run into the sitting room, forgetting that they were gonig in the same direction (towards the front door) and that the room was full of windows. i caught one of them's eye, tried to hide on the wall and woke up. it really freak
ed me out.let me explain.
this is the second time i've had a 'they're at your screen door try not to be seen, oh shit they saw you' dream. oddly, it was about a house i was living in during college (which may have actually been on cinder blocks) that iw as about a week and a half from moving out of. this is the interior of that house and my roommate. he wasn't usually this slovenly or angry looking. that's why i took the picture.
now, then, that first dream was all about another completely weird situation that had everything to do with the place i was living in. i had teh scariest potential stalker that i've had to date at that house. i'm not in the same situation at work, thankfully. but...
i haven't been at norcostco much lately. well, no that's not entirely true. m-th i'm there for about 3.5 hours (3.75 today...whee). so i don't really know what's going on. all i know about last week is that i saw one of my co-workers (the other female) in the store once on monday. then she hadn't been in at all. friday, when i'm there 8.5 hours, i decided to find out where she was. the story i got, we got, was that she had food poisoning and had gone into the hospital on tuesday, but that she was supposed to have been released on thursday. if you've known someone who's gone to the hospital with food poisoning, this is kind of weird. generally speaking - even if they have to pump your stomach and put more fluids in you - the longest you're there is overnight. but still no word from her, and no one had been able to get in touch with her by the time i left at 5:30 on friday.
this posed a special problem since she was supposed to work on saturday. normally, the new guy will be working saturdays and this girl will work m-f. but he had a prior obligation that would take him out of work until like 2:30. so he had switched with this girl. who is totally awol. on the weekend before dragon*con at a costume/make-up/bizarre tzchotkies emporium.
so i worked alone on saturday from 10 to 2:30. seriously, from about 10:30 til 4:50 there was always at least one customer in teh store. most of the time there was more than one. and from like 1:30 to 4:30-ish there were about 25 in the store at once. and the two people (once the new guy showed up) working the store have the least cash register experience of any one else in the store.
it was hella fucked up. crazy stressful. and it doesn't help that out clientele is weird any way. and even weirder this week.
around closing-ish, i asked if new guy had gotten in touch with that girl we work with. which is when he informed me that, yes he had and that she hadn't gotten food poisoning afterall. she had o.d'ed. on liquor and a bottle of advil. that in fact, she wouldn't be out of the hospital for at least another week and that she almost needed a liver transplant.
yup.
fucked up, right?
anyway...this was my saturday, or at least the first 7.5+ hours of it. this is why i took a four hour nap after i got home (incidentally when i got home i got some bad grandpa news too, nice for weekend, no?) and didn't do anything remotely active on saturday night.
sunday was dropping the cat off at my folks house in woodstock, hanging with the parents, heading up to canton to see grandma, stopping at home depot to get copies of my keys made, going to the grocery store, cleaning my house and doing laundry in anticipation of the canadian i'm housing for tournament this weekend, and generally worrying.
and this is just the end of week one of the 3 week marathon. this week, this one that started today might kill me. i'm for serious. i'm tired just thinking about it. and while the non-work stuff is going to be a lot of fun, it's still going to be business-related.
in fact, right now i can't escape 'business'. there is no un-business right now. which really bites. i'm not sleeping well, i'm gaining weight, and i'm stressed to my eyeballs. it's shitty, shitty.
which is probably why i had a dream that i was trapped at work and people were about to attack me there. i don't have a lot of nightmares. in fact, i probably had only had about 7 bad dreams before my sophomore year of college (when i had a week straight of a recurrent bad dream) so i remember most of them really well. they always mean something. or at least, since i've been an adult they've always had a really specific meaning to them. this one is shoving me out of norcostco. which is scary and weird, but it's still better than being at norcostco.
in other news, the new job kicks ass. i think once i'm a bit more comfortable with it, it'll be a breeze. also, in a related story, i have a job interview tomorrow for a position with an ambulance-chasing law firm. which, is better than no interview, no? yes.
i had a dream on sunday night that i was attending a 'corporate training' session being led by one of my old college professors. it was pleasant but odd. there were at least 50 people at this thing and we were all paired up with someone else. now, this might have been a metaphor or an allegory, but we were all either in the marching band of color guard and we were paired with the other.
for some reason, we were donig a birdie on the perch-like exercise with our partners, but instead of mingling and having music played and stopped, we just were climbing on each others backs. or at least the color guard (me, et al) were jumping on the band's backs.
then, my professor called up two audience volunteers who were two other professors from my college who i never had. i remember my teach said something funny and i woke up. i don't know what he said.
seems like fall to me.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
technical difficulties
so...
i've started my new job and am still at the old job until sept 6. so, right now (and probably once i find a new part-time job) my monday through thursday work day is 8:30 - 6. that's a long time. and that's early. Early.
i make no secret about my sleep difficulties. i have issues both falling asleep and waking up (although i'm more hopeful abuot the waking up now that i have a job that i enjoy). falling asleep is my cross to bear, i suppose, but waking up...that can be a bad thing. earlier this year, when i was donig the school tour, i bouhgt a clip lamp and attatched it to the bookshelf next to my bed. i also bought a hideous light bulb that gives off REALLY bright light for it. i put it on a timer so that it would go off roughly when my alarms were going off at like 5am. it helped, it realy did. that light is a bitch. but without the sound added to it i sleep right through it.
this job makes me worried about over-sleeping. so, for this week, i've been doing my usual thing for wake-em-ups - set my old alarm clock that plays music and alarm at the same time, set my cell phone alarm, set the both alarms on the clock with two alarms on it, set the lamp thing. i also added to my wake up menagerie the most annoying alarm clock ever. Ever. and i've had some pretty ridiculously annoying alarm clocks in my day.
this guy is a little orb with knobs on it. it's shaped that way (presumably) because it has a setting where it will vibrate and you can actually put it in bed with you so it shakes the bed. this is why i bought this alarm. now, there are classier versions of the shaking alarm clock - i'm told - that cost upwards of $50. i do not have upwards of $50 to spend on anythign right now, nevermind an alarm clock. so i spent $15 on this guy at target. if you'll notice, i keep replying to this thing as a guy. that's because it has voices. 7 'different' voices to wake you up. i say 'different' because it's clearly just one guy doing horrible dialects and impressions. like bad john wayne, bad marlon brando as the godfather, bad hindi dude, bad not effeminite enough but clearly supposedly gay stereotype dude.
ah, the voices. the voices are what make me want to get up. because, unless you press snooze, the thing repeats it's little beep-beep, stupid phrase, and vibrate cycle until you hit snooze or turn the thing off. it's wretched. Wretched. and, call me crazy, but i believe it's a totem hell bent on destroying all other electronics in my room.
wtf, eve?
well, i'll tell ya wtf...monday during the day, my timer for my light stopped working. this happens about once a month, i just have to reset it, no big whoop. but it had already happened like three days prior. i had just reset it. which, you know, i'm a cheapie, the thing may be dying. taken alone, i wouldn't think anything of this.
i also wouldn't take by itself my older alarm clock getting stuck in the 'sleep' mode as any thing to worry about. it fell, apparently on it's face, and now it thinks it's on sleep and the face only reads 0:00. which is annoying, but the alarm still went off, so i guess i'm okay. this happened yesterday.
again, the two events seemed unconnected and the alarm clock falling was directly due to my actions, so, whatever.
well, then it got weird. i've got this lightsaber in my room from the episode I marketing blitz. it was part of my graduation from high school present. i don't play with this thing a lot, but it's fairly classy. it's got the 'chinese yo-yo' style flip out, push button light and sound. it's nice. i have it leaning just inside my bedrooom door in front of my bookshelf, because that's apparently where i put it when i moved in and i haven't found another place for it yet.
so today, after both works and therapy, i get home and i'm feeding the cat and i walk in my room to check my answering machine (yes, i still have a land line). and i actually have three messages. none of which were junk, well, i'm about to press the answering machine button and i hear -SSCCCHHFWING! wom wom wom- and my lightsaber, which i'm a good 4 feet from and which the cat is no where near has decided to turn itself on. i walk over and press the button a couple of times, try waving it around, nothing. thing stays on. so i check my messages and it's auto-turn off thing shuts it down in a minute or so.
and then about 15 minutes later (when i'm trying to lay down for a nap) it goes on again. and shuts itself off. this happened another 3 times in the span of about an hour. i knew it happened two more times because they both woke me up. the third one i know about because it got incorporated into my dream.
anyway...none of these things happened before this stupid talking vibrating alarm came into my life. which, i mean, i'm totally open to the possibility that this is all just random and explainable and will soon pass. but i'm also a total dweeb who is open to the possibility that this stupid talking alarm clock is going to kill everything electronic.
hmm.
well. i have to go to sleep. i'm tired, really tired. this week has worn me out. and it's only half-way done. sheesh. i think i might make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich though. i forgot to buy breakfast food at the store this weekend. yay for dweeb-dom.
i've started my new job and am still at the old job until sept 6. so, right now (and probably once i find a new part-time job) my monday through thursday work day is 8:30 - 6. that's a long time. and that's early. Early.
i make no secret about my sleep difficulties. i have issues both falling asleep and waking up (although i'm more hopeful abuot the waking up now that i have a job that i enjoy). falling asleep is my cross to bear, i suppose, but waking up...that can be a bad thing. earlier this year, when i was donig the school tour, i bouhgt a clip lamp and attatched it to the bookshelf next to my bed. i also bought a hideous light bulb that gives off REALLY bright light for it. i put it on a timer so that it would go off roughly when my alarms were going off at like 5am. it helped, it realy did. that light is a bitch. but without the sound added to it i sleep right through it.
this job makes me worried about over-sleeping. so, for this week, i've been doing my usual thing for wake-em-ups - set my old alarm clock that plays music and alarm at the same time, set my cell phone alarm, set the both alarms on the clock with two alarms on it, set the lamp thing. i also added to my wake up menagerie the most annoying alarm clock ever. Ever. and i've had some pretty ridiculously annoying alarm clocks in my day.
this guy is a little orb with knobs on it. it's shaped that way (presumably) because it has a setting where it will vibrate and you can actually put it in bed with you so it shakes the bed. this is why i bought this alarm. now, there are classier versions of the shaking alarm clock - i'm told - that cost upwards of $50. i do not have upwards of $50 to spend on anythign right now, nevermind an alarm clock. so i spent $15 on this guy at target. if you'll notice, i keep replying to this thing as a guy. that's because it has voices. 7 'different' voices to wake you up. i say 'different' because it's clearly just one guy doing horrible dialects and impressions. like bad john wayne, bad marlon brando as the godfather, bad hindi dude, bad not effeminite enough but clearly supposedly gay stereotype dude.
ah, the voices. the voices are what make me want to get up. because, unless you press snooze, the thing repeats it's little beep-beep, stupid phrase, and vibrate cycle until you hit snooze or turn the thing off. it's wretched. Wretched. and, call me crazy, but i believe it's a totem hell bent on destroying all other electronics in my room.
wtf, eve?
well, i'll tell ya wtf...monday during the day, my timer for my light stopped working. this happens about once a month, i just have to reset it, no big whoop. but it had already happened like three days prior. i had just reset it. which, you know, i'm a cheapie, the thing may be dying. taken alone, i wouldn't think anything of this.
i also wouldn't take by itself my older alarm clock getting stuck in the 'sleep' mode as any thing to worry about. it fell, apparently on it's face, and now it thinks it's on sleep and the face only reads 0:00. which is annoying, but the alarm still went off, so i guess i'm okay. this happened yesterday.
again, the two events seemed unconnected and the alarm clock falling was directly due to my actions, so, whatever.
well, then it got weird. i've got this lightsaber in my room from the episode I marketing blitz. it was part of my graduation from high school present. i don't play with this thing a lot, but it's fairly classy. it's got the 'chinese yo-yo' style flip out, push button light and sound. it's nice. i have it leaning just inside my bedrooom door in front of my bookshelf, because that's apparently where i put it when i moved in and i haven't found another place for it yet.
so today, after both works and therapy, i get home and i'm feeding the cat and i walk in my room to check my answering machine (yes, i still have a land line). and i actually have three messages. none of which were junk, well, i'm about to press the answering machine button and i hear -SSCCCHHFWING! wom wom wom- and my lightsaber, which i'm a good 4 feet from and which the cat is no where near has decided to turn itself on. i walk over and press the button a couple of times, try waving it around, nothing. thing stays on. so i check my messages and it's auto-turn off thing shuts it down in a minute or so.
and then about 15 minutes later (when i'm trying to lay down for a nap) it goes on again. and shuts itself off. this happened another 3 times in the span of about an hour. i knew it happened two more times because they both woke me up. the third one i know about because it got incorporated into my dream.
anyway...none of these things happened before this stupid talking vibrating alarm came into my life. which, i mean, i'm totally open to the possibility that this is all just random and explainable and will soon pass. but i'm also a total dweeb who is open to the possibility that this stupid talking alarm clock is going to kill everything electronic.
hmm.
well. i have to go to sleep. i'm tired, really tired. this week has worn me out. and it's only half-way done. sheesh. i think i might make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich though. i forgot to buy breakfast food at the store this weekend. yay for dweeb-dom.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Nostalgia-ville: Population me
and, oddly, most of my friends on facebook.
i don't know how this started, but separately my different groups of friends on the facebook have started posting all these old, old pictures. stuff from high school and beyond. some of it is family old-pictures, some of it school stuff. it's kind of cool. no, actually i really dig this. it's really cool. even the people i haven't known for that long (or relatively haven't known for that long) have some pretty fantastic stuff up. it's neet-o.
also, it's really weird that it's happening all at once. like i can see how one or two friends might have spear-headed the movement in those circles, but how all of these things are happening at once. for all these different people. it's just really strange.
and it's weird, too, because i feel it in other areas too. i have two oldies stations programmed on my car radio. two. and until a few months ago, i didn't really listen to the radio. i just really need some oldies. and - And - on a non-oldies station that's not too shabby, the afternoon drive time show is 80's music. more nostalgia. don't even get me started on re-makes, and revivals. yeesh.
what's weird is seeing who people were. or that's the weirdest part for me. and seeing myself and thinking about who i was in a completely different way now than i did back then. for instance, i was pretty. i had No Idea. zero. man, if i had known that then...well, i probably still wouldn't have done anything differently. but maybe i would've been a nudge happier. that would've been nice. hell, we were all so pretty. really. maybe it's because we were so young and unjaded but, we were a nice looking bunch. and we weren't even the pretty kids at school! we were the theatre dorks!
i dunno.
i think maybe i'm looking for this (or any) connection, but i think people are trying to start falling back on good things. or, even if they were shitty times, at least they're familiar. take high school. a lot, lot, lot of my high school friends are posting pics from this insanely good year - 97-98 to be exact. the times were great. which is not say they were drama free. because they weren't or that we were all happy all the time, because we weren't. but damn, that was a fun year. and i think we all want to remember it. not that anyone's life is so shitty that that's what they have to fall back on. i don't think that's the case at all. but it's nice to go back and see who we were.
maybe we're all just trying to get a little perspective on things. or maybe it's just that 10 years have passed and that's time enough to want to remember again. or maybe we're all just ready for a democrat in the white house again and these throw-backs are getting us ready for better times...that might be a stretch...
i do know this:
tuesday was a long day. got up, drove to woodstock, helped my folks move my grandma from their home to an assisted living facility up in canton. it was hard. really hard. not just because of the grunt work, but because grandma has finally realized that she's not going back to chicago. and she ain't happy about it. so, to keep her distracted during moving in and to make sure my parents were able to do what they needed to do during moving in, i brought her an old picture album and we started going through it together.
these pictures are amazing. really. i hope i or my parents can scan them onto a disc, because they're so awesome. grandma's 89, which means she was born in february of 1919. she's got pictures from when she's as young as 2. of her family and her friends, and that whole passel of cousins she had. and they're the same pictures we've been taking. maybe with a bit less irony (grandma is not known for her sense of humor), but it's the same. made even more the same by the fact that my grandma, mom, and sister all share a face. me, too. it's odd and sweet and comforting all at the same time. and being a fashion junky i practically salivate over everything that everyone is wearing...but uh, it's pretty nice.
it's nice to see where you came from, you know? and be comforted in the fact that you might not go back, but the generations after you will.
i am dork.
i don't know how this started, but separately my different groups of friends on the facebook have started posting all these old, old pictures. stuff from high school and beyond. some of it is family old-pictures, some of it school stuff. it's kind of cool. no, actually i really dig this. it's really cool. even the people i haven't known for that long (or relatively haven't known for that long) have some pretty fantastic stuff up. it's neet-o.
also, it's really weird that it's happening all at once. like i can see how one or two friends might have spear-headed the movement in those circles, but how all of these things are happening at once. for all these different people. it's just really strange.
and it's weird, too, because i feel it in other areas too. i have two oldies stations programmed on my car radio. two. and until a few months ago, i didn't really listen to the radio. i just really need some oldies. and - And - on a non-oldies station that's not too shabby, the afternoon drive time show is 80's music. more nostalgia. don't even get me started on re-makes, and revivals. yeesh.
what's weird is seeing who people were. or that's the weirdest part for me. and seeing myself and thinking about who i was in a completely different way now than i did back then. for instance, i was pretty. i had No Idea. zero. man, if i had known that then...well, i probably still wouldn't have done anything differently. but maybe i would've been a nudge happier. that would've been nice. hell, we were all so pretty. really. maybe it's because we were so young and unjaded but, we were a nice looking bunch. and we weren't even the pretty kids at school! we were the theatre dorks!
i dunno.
i think maybe i'm looking for this (or any) connection, but i think people are trying to start falling back on good things. or, even if they were shitty times, at least they're familiar. take high school. a lot, lot, lot of my high school friends are posting pics from this insanely good year - 97-98 to be exact. the times were great. which is not say they were drama free. because they weren't or that we were all happy all the time, because we weren't. but damn, that was a fun year. and i think we all want to remember it. not that anyone's life is so shitty that that's what they have to fall back on. i don't think that's the case at all. but it's nice to go back and see who we were.
maybe we're all just trying to get a little perspective on things. or maybe it's just that 10 years have passed and that's time enough to want to remember again. or maybe we're all just ready for a democrat in the white house again and these throw-backs are getting us ready for better times...that might be a stretch...
i do know this:
tuesday was a long day. got up, drove to woodstock, helped my folks move my grandma from their home to an assisted living facility up in canton. it was hard. really hard. not just because of the grunt work, but because grandma has finally realized that she's not going back to chicago. and she ain't happy about it. so, to keep her distracted during moving in and to make sure my parents were able to do what they needed to do during moving in, i brought her an old picture album and we started going through it together.
these pictures are amazing. really. i hope i or my parents can scan them onto a disc, because they're so awesome. grandma's 89, which means she was born in february of 1919. she's got pictures from when she's as young as 2. of her family and her friends, and that whole passel of cousins she had. and they're the same pictures we've been taking. maybe with a bit less irony (grandma is not known for her sense of humor), but it's the same. made even more the same by the fact that my grandma, mom, and sister all share a face. me, too. it's odd and sweet and comforting all at the same time. and being a fashion junky i practically salivate over everything that everyone is wearing...but uh, it's pretty nice.
it's nice to see where you came from, you know? and be comforted in the fact that you might not go back, but the generations after you will.
i am dork.
Monday, August 11, 2008
i don't know what it is about mondays...
but i just can't motivate myself to do anything worthwhile at work. i just can't.
especially if i've had to work on saturday. it's almost like i'm re-claiming my two-days in a row weekend by dicking around for the 8.5 hours that i'm here on monday. yeah, that'll show them.
here's something:
this is my last salaried week here. my last '40 hour' week here (tomorrow i'm gone to help grandma move from my parent's house to a retirement/assisted living place...yikes and then wednesday i leave early for therapy). next week i start three weeks of insane amounts of work. 22 hours at the new place, 29 here. that's 51 hours, folks. it's gonna be nuts.
why so much time at the work, you may be asking. good question. if i work that much, i can make it through the end of september and not starve or get evicted or have to live off candle light and water wheels. so if the worst case scenario comes to fruition - i.e. i can't find a new part-time job to supplement my new Awesome part-time job until like october (or if i don't get paid for a second p-t until october) i'll still be okay for a month.
and if things go on longer i'm looking into medical trials and egg donation. you heard me.
so tonight when i get home, the plan is to nap, workout, make dinner, apply for some jorbs, watch episode 2 of six feet under (just saw the first one for the very first time last night, and might i add...HoLy Shit.), shower, sleep, rise early, drive to woodstock, move grandma, lunch?, come home, look for jorbs, take nap, thrift store?, work out, dinner, apply for jorbs, deal with whatever other crises may have arisen in a 48 hour period.
and i already feel like this weekend was a train that ran me over.
sigh.
especially if i've had to work on saturday. it's almost like i'm re-claiming my two-days in a row weekend by dicking around for the 8.5 hours that i'm here on monday. yeah, that'll show them.
here's something:
this is my last salaried week here. my last '40 hour' week here (tomorrow i'm gone to help grandma move from my parent's house to a retirement/assisted living place...yikes and then wednesday i leave early for therapy). next week i start three weeks of insane amounts of work. 22 hours at the new place, 29 here. that's 51 hours, folks. it's gonna be nuts.
why so much time at the work, you may be asking. good question. if i work that much, i can make it through the end of september and not starve or get evicted or have to live off candle light and water wheels. so if the worst case scenario comes to fruition - i.e. i can't find a new part-time job to supplement my new Awesome part-time job until like october (or if i don't get paid for a second p-t until october) i'll still be okay for a month.
and if things go on longer i'm looking into medical trials and egg donation. you heard me.
so tonight when i get home, the plan is to nap, workout, make dinner, apply for some jorbs, watch episode 2 of six feet under (just saw the first one for the very first time last night, and might i add...HoLy Shit.), shower, sleep, rise early, drive to woodstock, move grandma, lunch?, come home, look for jorbs, take nap, thrift store?, work out, dinner, apply for jorbs, deal with whatever other crises may have arisen in a 48 hour period.
and i already feel like this weekend was a train that ran me over.
sigh.
Friday, August 8, 2008
compare and contrast
cnn's front page on their website August 8, 2008 c. 4:00 pm EDT
lead story: [John] Edwards Admits to Extra-Marital Affair
headlines:
lead story: Russian Forces Battle georgians
headlines:
Fannie Mae reveals loss of $2.3bn
Spectacular Opening for Olympics
SpongeBob in NY torture sideshow
hmmm....
Hmmmmm.....
so...americans care more about the sordid details of a politician's private life, pot growing mexicans, slanderous campaigns, and the dow jones than they do about 1,400 civillians being killed in bombings in what will probably lead to an all-out war with a former super-power that's a little hot-headed and still has nukes . also we care about a whoooole bunch of things more than we do fannie mae - one of the biggest mortgage companies in the us - reporting an astronomical loss.
well, then...
lead story: [John] Edwards Admits to Extra-Marital Affair
headlines:
- Mexican cartels grow pot in U.S. national forests
- Ticker: Antichrist Obama in McCain ad?
- Cafferty: Right time for Obama vacation?
- CNNMoney: Dow surges on sinking oil
- Russian, Georgian troops in fierce fighting
- iReport.com: Georgians 'anxious' about war
- Afghan 'surge' may not be enough, general says
- China's president declares Olympics open
- Detroit mayor faces new felony charges
- Mom lied about missing tot's call, cops say
- Dead girl, 5, left last message for family
- Zakaria: Raw power and self-interest in Pakistan
- Glenn Beck : Drive naked, save America
- 106 mpg 'air car' creates buzz, questions
- Wedding-day disasters didn't stop 'I dos'
- Ghostly image caught on security cam
- CNN Wire: CVR found at copter crash site
lead story: Russian Forces Battle georgians
headlines:
Fannie Mae reveals loss of $2.3bn
Spectacular Opening for Olympics
SpongeBob in NY torture sideshow
hmmm....
Hmmmmm.....
so...americans care more about the sordid details of a politician's private life, pot growing mexicans, slanderous campaigns, and the dow jones than they do about 1,400 civillians being killed in bombings in what will probably lead to an all-out war with a former super-power that's a little hot-headed and still has nukes . also we care about a whoooole bunch of things more than we do fannie mae - one of the biggest mortgage companies in the us - reporting an astronomical loss.
well, then...
Thursday, August 7, 2008
alright norcostco,
that's fucking it.
all i wanted to do was go pee. seriously. Seriously. that's, in fact, all i need to do. and for all the things this store doesn't have, we are lucky to actually have a bathroom. the women's room has two stalls, actually. and it has access from the sales floor.
now, i hate my job, hate doing customer service - although i'm good at it. so most days i hide in my hideous, salmon-colored office far from the sales floor. and then i'll have to pee, or kylee and bill will go out to smoke, or clint is busy and i'll hit the floor.
i don't like the salesfloor. not only does it leave you exposed to our crazy-ass customers, but it's also full of things that tweak me out - latex masks, plastic bugs, plastic spiders of varying sizes. i'm kind of a pussy when it comes to bugs and spiders. really. even the fake kinds. i readily admit it. and aside from the whole i might starve and die because i took it factor, the only other thing that really tweaks me out about this new gig is that i'm going to have to do a big ol' spider lesson. that said, yes...fucking norcostco has spiders of various sizes and construction scattered throughout the salesfloor. this disturbs me as much now as it has since day one of this stupid job.
but while i find these things chill-inducing and unpleasant to be in a 10 foot radius of, i can deal with most of them. there is, however one area of the store that i will not go in. first of, there's a full wall of half-masks - not the masqueradey kind, the scary-gross latex kind. second, on the ceiling beam thing (and interspersed with a autumn leaves garland...for some reason) is a fairly large plastic spider - the kind you may buy for some sadistic little boy. and third (and most imporant) there is a gigantic hairy spider just hanging out on the floor. it's not quite the size of the giant spiders that would attack adults in b-movies of the 50's, but it could definitely attack a toddler in one of those masterpieces of celluloid. i can take the masks. i can take the dangling rubbery spider on the ceiling (even though it may fall on me at any moment). but i cannot stand near the damn giant spider-thing. which is a shame since this little corner is directly across from my favorite part of the sales floor - the wall of facial hair.
so today.
all i wanted to do was pee. the bathrooms are down a very short hallway across from the register and sort of between the tech area and the make-up area. the make-up area has this wire bin thing with clearance items in it. and i turn the corner - averting my eyes from the free-standing kiosk of spiders, roaches, flies, and snakes as i often do - and i see that fucking giant brown spider thing perched on the clearance make-up rack. gaurding the mother-fucking bathroom.
i have two options, the way i see it... 1 suck it up, take an alternate route to the bathroom, pretend not to see it on your way in (goddam impossible), take a pee. or 2 write a stupid blog about your insane phobia of things that are inanimate and pee when you get home.
guess which option i chose...i hope it's not still raining while i drive home...
all i wanted to do was go pee. seriously. Seriously. that's, in fact, all i need to do. and for all the things this store doesn't have, we are lucky to actually have a bathroom. the women's room has two stalls, actually. and it has access from the sales floor.
now, i hate my job, hate doing customer service - although i'm good at it. so most days i hide in my hideous, salmon-colored office far from the sales floor. and then i'll have to pee, or kylee and bill will go out to smoke, or clint is busy and i'll hit the floor.
i don't like the salesfloor. not only does it leave you exposed to our crazy-ass customers, but it's also full of things that tweak me out - latex masks, plastic bugs, plastic spiders of varying sizes. i'm kind of a pussy when it comes to bugs and spiders. really. even the fake kinds. i readily admit it. and aside from the whole i might starve and die because i took it factor, the only other thing that really tweaks me out about this new gig is that i'm going to have to do a big ol' spider lesson. that said, yes...fucking norcostco has spiders of various sizes and construction scattered throughout the salesfloor. this disturbs me as much now as it has since day one of this stupid job.
but while i find these things chill-inducing and unpleasant to be in a 10 foot radius of, i can deal with most of them. there is, however one area of the store that i will not go in. first of, there's a full wall of half-masks - not the masqueradey kind, the scary-gross latex kind. second, on the ceiling beam thing (and interspersed with a autumn leaves garland...for some reason) is a fairly large plastic spider - the kind you may buy for some sadistic little boy. and third (and most imporant) there is a gigantic hairy spider just hanging out on the floor. it's not quite the size of the giant spiders that would attack adults in b-movies of the 50's, but it could definitely attack a toddler in one of those masterpieces of celluloid. i can take the masks. i can take the dangling rubbery spider on the ceiling (even though it may fall on me at any moment). but i cannot stand near the damn giant spider-thing. which is a shame since this little corner is directly across from my favorite part of the sales floor - the wall of facial hair.
so today.
all i wanted to do was pee. the bathrooms are down a very short hallway across from the register and sort of between the tech area and the make-up area. the make-up area has this wire bin thing with clearance items in it. and i turn the corner - averting my eyes from the free-standing kiosk of spiders, roaches, flies, and snakes as i often do - and i see that fucking giant brown spider thing perched on the clearance make-up rack. gaurding the mother-fucking bathroom.
i have two options, the way i see it... 1 suck it up, take an alternate route to the bathroom, pretend not to see it on your way in (goddam impossible), take a pee. or 2 write a stupid blog about your insane phobia of things that are inanimate and pee when you get home.
guess which option i chose...i hope it's not still raining while i drive home...
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
t-minus 30 days
-or-
what the hell have i done?
oh eve...why? why do you keep doing this to yourself? why do you keep finding jobs you hate then quitting them for things that aren't stable? why? why do you do this?
oh man...
so, monday - when i accepted this job - i was really confident and feeling good about my choice, right? yesterday, a little on edge about the whole 'need to find something else' thing. today the shit has hit the fan in my brain.
let me explain, i'm still stoked about the job i accepted. it's really going to be fun and cool and expand my 'skill set' and whathaveya...but holy shit am i freakin' out about finding other things. other money things. really, i just need one other thing for money purposes. Ho-ly Shit.
god, i'm just... i mean, isn't that the definition of a crazy person? or at least part of it? doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. god, what the hell is wrong with me?
oh man. i just...oh man...
pants pooped.
30 days to find more employment.
oh jeez...
what the hell have i done?
oh eve...why? why do you keep doing this to yourself? why do you keep finding jobs you hate then quitting them for things that aren't stable? why? why do you do this?
oh man...
so, monday - when i accepted this job - i was really confident and feeling good about my choice, right? yesterday, a little on edge about the whole 'need to find something else' thing. today the shit has hit the fan in my brain.
let me explain, i'm still stoked about the job i accepted. it's really going to be fun and cool and expand my 'skill set' and whathaveya...but holy shit am i freakin' out about finding other things. other money things. really, i just need one other thing for money purposes. Ho-ly Shit.
god, i'm just... i mean, isn't that the definition of a crazy person? or at least part of it? doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. god, what the hell is wrong with me?
oh man. i just...oh man...
pants pooped.
30 days to find more employment.
oh jeez...
Monday, August 4, 2008
so...now what
welp...
i accepted the job. the part time job.
i feel good and nervous about this. good because for once this isn't an 'oh shit, i have to have something and this will do' job. this is actually something i'm interested in. and it's actually adding to my 'skill set'.
nervous because i have a month to find a companion part-time gig. if i can find one for 20 hours a week at $12/hour i'll be making the same amount that i've been making for the past three years or so. yup, my pay scale is astronomical.
so tonight is supposed to be night one of (hopefully) a non interminable job quest. unfortunately, my nerves (i'll get to it) and laziness have forced me to eat a half-pan of brownies. so i'm kind of brain dead right now. also, i'm just kind of brain dead after today in general.
never in my life have i felt so close to puking at a job as i did this mornign. because i knew i'd have to give notice today. and it went well, really it did. and my coming in september boss who's still in jersey asked that i write a list of all the reasons i'm leaving. which gave me the opportunity to, in a very professional way stick up for my co-worker and tell the uppers what i think is wrong with this place. that felt really good to do. new boss will be sharing this thing with the 'appropriate parties' after i leave. it's nice. and i've worked it out so i don't feel like such an asshole leaving - i'll be full time all this week and next week, and then starting the 18th i start at new job and go part time until sept 5 at my current job. that'll give my new boss a week to settle in and make sure my co-worker isn't driven insane by crazy amounts of work. and it gives me a month to find something else...
but all day i've been just this little quiver-box of nerves. it's like being some sort of creature made out of jello with butterflies in it. it's been...tense. and apparently jiggly. add to that the fact that i talked for at least an hour and a half (altogether) with more than half of my co-workers about the shitty state of things and i'm just...beat...
and then i had to talk to my mom about all this. which made me much more nervous than i thought it would. ah...nothing like being nuerotic and afraid of disappointing the people around me.
so tomorrow at work i start getting everything i possibly can set up and ready before i hit part-time and before the busy time really picks up. and tomorrow night will begin night one of part-time finding...oh my jebus.
once again...i may be an idiot...but at least now i'll be a much happier idiot. and really, isn't that a good thing? really?
i accepted the job. the part time job.
i feel good and nervous about this. good because for once this isn't an 'oh shit, i have to have something and this will do' job. this is actually something i'm interested in. and it's actually adding to my 'skill set'.
nervous because i have a month to find a companion part-time gig. if i can find one for 20 hours a week at $12/hour i'll be making the same amount that i've been making for the past three years or so. yup, my pay scale is astronomical.
so tonight is supposed to be night one of (hopefully) a non interminable job quest. unfortunately, my nerves (i'll get to it) and laziness have forced me to eat a half-pan of brownies. so i'm kind of brain dead right now. also, i'm just kind of brain dead after today in general.
never in my life have i felt so close to puking at a job as i did this mornign. because i knew i'd have to give notice today. and it went well, really it did. and my coming in september boss who's still in jersey asked that i write a list of all the reasons i'm leaving. which gave me the opportunity to, in a very professional way stick up for my co-worker and tell the uppers what i think is wrong with this place. that felt really good to do. new boss will be sharing this thing with the 'appropriate parties' after i leave. it's nice. and i've worked it out so i don't feel like such an asshole leaving - i'll be full time all this week and next week, and then starting the 18th i start at new job and go part time until sept 5 at my current job. that'll give my new boss a week to settle in and make sure my co-worker isn't driven insane by crazy amounts of work. and it gives me a month to find something else...
but all day i've been just this little quiver-box of nerves. it's like being some sort of creature made out of jello with butterflies in it. it's been...tense. and apparently jiggly. add to that the fact that i talked for at least an hour and a half (altogether) with more than half of my co-workers about the shitty state of things and i'm just...beat...
and then i had to talk to my mom about all this. which made me much more nervous than i thought it would. ah...nothing like being nuerotic and afraid of disappointing the people around me.
so tomorrow at work i start getting everything i possibly can set up and ready before i hit part-time and before the busy time really picks up. and tomorrow night will begin night one of part-time finding...oh my jebus.
once again...i may be an idiot...but at least now i'll be a much happier idiot. and really, isn't that a good thing? really?
Sunday, August 3, 2008
parte dos: everything in between
point a - this week
when an audition calls for an actress to be mid to late 20's, witty, intelligent, and (glory be) tall, i should probably go ahead and audition. and i did. and i didn't do well.
in the audition room i was witty and intelligent. i was tall and mid to late 20's (though there's not a whole lot i can do abuot that either way). i jsut wasn't any of these things when i was reading.
here's the deal with the theatre crap: i've had more auditions between now and april than i've had since i graduated from college. this is good. and there have been some auditions that i'ev been called to and not gone to. this is also good-ish. what is less good is i haven't actually booked anything. i'm 'making the rounds' and getting nothing. it's frustrating. and i really do feel like i've had more good reads than bad. sometimes it's a good read for a part that i would be terrible at. or i get a callback and i'm grateful, but someone else gets it. these things happen. it's what happens.
it would just be nice to get paid.
oh money, you old bastard you. i'm not making money at my day job. i mean, i am, but it's just enough to get by. which, kind of defeats the purpose of a steady day job, no? like, if i'm supposed to get enough to live on and health insurance and also be able to 'do theatre', shouldn't i actually be getting enough to do all those things?
well, i'm not. so i'm applying to jobs like a mad woman. in fact, i'm taking a mini-break (that doesn't include dim sum) from dad's right now to partly apply to jobs like a mad woman. now, i tend to have a harder time getting an interview (the audition of the real world), but if i can get an interview, i can generally get the job. since i started at my current job (3-ish months ago...seriously) i've had two interviews and a second interview. i did well in all three. in fact, i did so well in my second interview that i've been offered a job.
this job is great. it's with an arts organization in town that i adore - both what they do and the people who i know that work there. it's with a program that's REALLY badass. i mean seriously, it's cool. it uses the customer service skills that i've picked up, performance stuff, teaching experience (both that i already have and building on that), gives more tech skills, and i'd get to make awesome arts and crafts. every day. how cool is that?
so, waht's stopping me, and what i've been taking the weekend to process, is that the gig is part-time. oh, part-time... now, if it were part time and more than i'm making hourly, it'd be no problem. take the job, get something else that pays more than minimum wage and i'm set to make at least what pittance i'm making now. but hourly it works out to about what i'm trying to live off of now. which is not enough. and once again, if i'm leaving this job not just because i hate it, but also because i need to get paid, there are so many unknowns in taking this job, that i don't know if i can do it.
i just want to take it. really badly. but i'm not sure in the least that i can.
today i have spent some time on some job sites looking at part-time jobs that want 20 hours a week and how much they'd pay (i've also kept busy today doing any chore i can think of so as to avoid commiting to a decision). some things pay pretty well and don't seem mind-numbing. some things don't. either way, there's no promise that i'd get any of these promising jobs. and then i still don't know if i'd be doing alright, or if i'd want to say the hell with it, or if i'd have time to do a show if i ever actually book one.
oh time, the other thing that i don't get that seems to rule my life jsut as much as money...
the fact is, i need more time. for everything. to look for jobs, to do theatre, to do dad's, to visit grandma.
ah? what's that eve? i thought you said grandmas all live in chicago?
so they did. but this week my parents were up there moving grandma morawski down here. and on friday i was helping them move her into their house. and she'll be moving to an assisted living place in another week or two. this is because she can't take care of herself anymore and we're the family.
i'm happy to have her here, i don't worry as much that way, and i actually - in theory - can see her on a regular basis instead of once a year. in theory i'd like to make it up there to visit once a week. dno't know if this will actually happen or not.
the thing is, this is really, really hard on my parents. for so many different reasons - the least of which being concern for moving my 89 year old dementia-ridden grandma from the city she's lived in her whole life and the place she's lived in for 20 years. it's difficult. and i want to be there for them more. and, it's really really hard to do.
grandma herself is apparently worse off than my folks originally thought. but this might also be because of the move itself. i don't know. she doesn't really know what's going on right now. which is no good. sigh. it's a...it's depressing.
so, yes virginia, there is a point b in all of this. i have no clue what it is. zero. or how to get there from here. but i've made it through this long week at least, and will make it through the next one too.
i don't know.
anyway...my tomorrow morning will be one of two things (and i hope i know which one before i go to bed tonight) eventually leading to one of a million point b's: (1) i call and do not accept the job, continue job hunt, eventually find something; or (2) call and accept the job, call my soon to be boss (it's hard to explain) in new jersey, call corporate in minneapolis, tell my co-worker, try to finagle part-timing at current gig until they find a replacement or i find something lucrative-ish...wonder about what the future may hold.
so yeah. it's been a rough week. and a really long weekend. and i'm not done yet, dammit.
when an audition calls for an actress to be mid to late 20's, witty, intelligent, and (glory be) tall, i should probably go ahead and audition. and i did. and i didn't do well.
in the audition room i was witty and intelligent. i was tall and mid to late 20's (though there's not a whole lot i can do abuot that either way). i jsut wasn't any of these things when i was reading.
here's the deal with the theatre crap: i've had more auditions between now and april than i've had since i graduated from college. this is good. and there have been some auditions that i'ev been called to and not gone to. this is also good-ish. what is less good is i haven't actually booked anything. i'm 'making the rounds' and getting nothing. it's frustrating. and i really do feel like i've had more good reads than bad. sometimes it's a good read for a part that i would be terrible at. or i get a callback and i'm grateful, but someone else gets it. these things happen. it's what happens.
it would just be nice to get paid.
oh money, you old bastard you. i'm not making money at my day job. i mean, i am, but it's just enough to get by. which, kind of defeats the purpose of a steady day job, no? like, if i'm supposed to get enough to live on and health insurance and also be able to 'do theatre', shouldn't i actually be getting enough to do all those things?
well, i'm not. so i'm applying to jobs like a mad woman. in fact, i'm taking a mini-break (that doesn't include dim sum) from dad's right now to partly apply to jobs like a mad woman. now, i tend to have a harder time getting an interview (the audition of the real world), but if i can get an interview, i can generally get the job. since i started at my current job (3-ish months ago...seriously) i've had two interviews and a second interview. i did well in all three. in fact, i did so well in my second interview that i've been offered a job.
this job is great. it's with an arts organization in town that i adore - both what they do and the people who i know that work there. it's with a program that's REALLY badass. i mean seriously, it's cool. it uses the customer service skills that i've picked up, performance stuff, teaching experience (both that i already have and building on that), gives more tech skills, and i'd get to make awesome arts and crafts. every day. how cool is that?
so, waht's stopping me, and what i've been taking the weekend to process, is that the gig is part-time. oh, part-time... now, if it were part time and more than i'm making hourly, it'd be no problem. take the job, get something else that pays more than minimum wage and i'm set to make at least what pittance i'm making now. but hourly it works out to about what i'm trying to live off of now. which is not enough. and once again, if i'm leaving this job not just because i hate it, but also because i need to get paid, there are so many unknowns in taking this job, that i don't know if i can do it.
i just want to take it. really badly. but i'm not sure in the least that i can.
today i have spent some time on some job sites looking at part-time jobs that want 20 hours a week and how much they'd pay (i've also kept busy today doing any chore i can think of so as to avoid commiting to a decision). some things pay pretty well and don't seem mind-numbing. some things don't. either way, there's no promise that i'd get any of these promising jobs. and then i still don't know if i'd be doing alright, or if i'd want to say the hell with it, or if i'd have time to do a show if i ever actually book one.
oh time, the other thing that i don't get that seems to rule my life jsut as much as money...
the fact is, i need more time. for everything. to look for jobs, to do theatre, to do dad's, to visit grandma.
ah? what's that eve? i thought you said grandmas all live in chicago?
so they did. but this week my parents were up there moving grandma morawski down here. and on friday i was helping them move her into their house. and she'll be moving to an assisted living place in another week or two. this is because she can't take care of herself anymore and we're the family.
i'm happy to have her here, i don't worry as much that way, and i actually - in theory - can see her on a regular basis instead of once a year. in theory i'd like to make it up there to visit once a week. dno't know if this will actually happen or not.
the thing is, this is really, really hard on my parents. for so many different reasons - the least of which being concern for moving my 89 year old dementia-ridden grandma from the city she's lived in her whole life and the place she's lived in for 20 years. it's difficult. and i want to be there for them more. and, it's really really hard to do.
grandma herself is apparently worse off than my folks originally thought. but this might also be because of the move itself. i don't know. she doesn't really know what's going on right now. which is no good. sigh. it's a...it's depressing.
so, yes virginia, there is a point b in all of this. i have no clue what it is. zero. or how to get there from here. but i've made it through this long week at least, and will make it through the next one too.
i don't know.
anyway...my tomorrow morning will be one of two things (and i hope i know which one before i go to bed tonight) eventually leading to one of a million point b's: (1) i call and do not accept the job, continue job hunt, eventually find something; or (2) call and accept the job, call my soon to be boss (it's hard to explain) in new jersey, call corporate in minneapolis, tell my co-worker, try to finagle part-timing at current gig until they find a replacement or i find something lucrative-ish...wonder about what the future may hold.
so yeah. it's been a rough week. and a really long weekend. and i'm not done yet, dammit.
points A and B
"i have a headache. i have a terrible headache." - bruce mcculloch, hangover chronicles
working on saturdays sucks. i know, there are lots of jobs that work on saturdays. and there are lots of different definitions of work and what all that entails...but working on a saturday at a job you already hate 5 other days of the week is just a disgrace. but this is sometimes the way things are. and if nothing else, i am true to my word and will work on saturday.
imagine my dismay this past saturday when i woke up to go to work and my car wouldn't start.
"they'll never take me alive, we all drive killer cars" - radiohead, killer cars
oh, car trouble. the last great unifier of the 'middle' and upper classes. for a long while there it seemed like airports and air travel might be the last great unifier, but no...car trouble wins.
i consider myself lucky that my alternator didn't give out at 2:30 in the morning, when i was trying to get home from an occassionally (frequently) unsavory neighborhood. i also consider myself lucky to know my neighbors and know that one of them (surely) would be able to jump my car and get me to work. which two of them did (yay for brittany and david). unfortunately, poor elsie's (that's my car) battery couldn't hold it together and the charge was completely gone by lunch - never to return.
as it turns out, i not only spent all day saturday at work, but a good portion of sunday in the parking lot at work waiting for a tow truck. when you put it all together, i was at work (even if just outside of it) for a good 10 hours last weekend. as opposed to the usual saturday 7. sigh.
the parking lot at work is, i assure you, just as fascinating as my actual job.
"the pump don't work cause the vandals took the handles" - bob dylan, subterranean homesick blues
the tow truck guy was awesome. like santa clause he came, and - as opposed to unloading his sleigh of magic - loaded his flat bed tow with my poor, sick car. thus began our journey across the city - me in lara's healthy accord (thank you lara), and tow man in his own cab.
our three vehicles - like soldiers bracing a fallen comrade - traveled to the place from whence elsie's battery came. the advanced auto parts in said occassionally sketchy neighborhood.
here's something: parking lot mechanics. dudes who are jsut trying to make a living by fixing cars in the parking lot of advanced auto parts. this makes my life difficult. not because i'm ungrateful, or because i don't trust these dudes, or because they seemed to be close to a fistfight over who would replace my alternator (which they correctly diagnosed as kaput before the computer did). this makes my life difficult because there was no way i could pay either of these guys. not with cash, not with check. because as it turns out, my day job (which is there so i can live and have money to spend on things i need and have health insurance and all that) provides me with no left over money for luxuries or for things i need (like food and health insurance and car repairs...etc...). so i had to ask my parents for help.
i did buy a brand spankin' new alternator at the store. the clerk (who was also an amazing human being, and i don't know his name but he kicked ass) brought it out to me on the side of the building where the dudes were not. i ran on my battery alone to the grocery store and home. this is not a good thing to do. batteries will die quickly this way. but i didn't have time to get it fixed sunday or monday and i needed it monday. i needed it friday, too so the whole 'putting this off' thing was not an optino either.
"thank you driver for gettin' me there" - the who, magic bus
ah, atlanta...the city that isn't manuverable without a car.
i only ended up scraping rides from lara and brian. brian took me to a party on sunday (after i was thouroughly tired and stinky) that was lovely and that i would have felt like a jerk if i missed. lara took me to the marta station so i could get downtown for an audition in the middle of the day monday. my car got me to work and home again on monday. yay elsie.
and then it got me to my sister's mechanic back a little bit past that self-same sketchy neighborhood. this guy, heath...he's great. super awesome. and he was open at 6am. which was good news since i had to catch a 7:25 bus to get to work by 9. well, a 7:25 bus to a 7:45 train, to a 7:58 train, to an 8:30 bus. to be at work. by 9. which i was. before 9, even.
"anyone can use public transport, sweetie" - edwina, absolutely fabulous
i have to say this - marta is not terrible. it seemed like it would be. well, no, let me back that up. i heart-a marta. the trains are great. and generally, when i refer to marta i refer to the train. unless there's a problem on the track (which, really is not that often) the trains run smoothly and on time. they're clean. and they make you feel like you live in a 'real' city, where you can actually get places on public transportation. because, for all that i love the trains and the disney-world like experience they apparently provide me with (it's especially surreal when you go from like, the candler park stop to five points or peachtree center...it's like you've gone to a whole different world), they only go down two streets. and i don't go to many places on those streets.
it's the buses that are scary, or less the buses themselves than the bus schedules. do yourself a favor...pick two places in atlanta - one that you would be traveling from (we'll call this 'point a') and somewhere on the other side of the city that you will be arriving at (let's call this 'point b') and make sure neither of them are on dekalb ave/decatur st/e college or peachtree street and they're not the airport. now, get the addresses for those places . google map them. look for the little bus stop signs on your google map. pick a time to arrive at point b. now, go to the marta website and try to find out what time you need to leave to get there.
i bet, even if it's a 15 minute drive, you'll need to leave an hour before. or even earlier if you're traveling at an off-peak time. this is assuming, of course, you were able to find a route that will actually be close to your destination. oh, a route that still runs since the marta website still lists a lot of those routes that they cut for budget purposes. good luck. especially if your map skills are as good as mine.
that said, for the intimidating build-up, the buses were clean and efficient. they didn't smell like urine. they were alright. and when you ride the bus, you get to play new games - games that aren't on the train. games like 'what's that smell?', 'is she a stripper or is she just wearing the shoes and getting out at club onyx?', and 'i hope know one knows how inadequate my knowledge of bus-riding is'. seriously. there's nothing like having a mini-panic attack at trying to figure out what cord to pull and when to pull it to get off the bus.
but it all worked out. and, perhaps because i went through neighborhoods i've never seen and gained new perspective on those i have, but while on the bus i came to love the bus and accept it for it's tarnished majesty.
also, the MLK drive marta station looks like a haunted version of the subway station in michael jackson's bad video. haunted and sunny. and all of this took me out of work mid-day for a good 2.5 hours on tuesday. not too shabby.
"but wait, there's more!" - any infomercial c.1993
there is more. this week has provided me with SOOO much more than just car woes. but, uh...i'm sick of writing.
i might write more tomorrow (sorry bout the cliffhanger) but we'll see.
i jsut want to say this...it's been difficult finding my point b lately. in everything. like, i figured out the marta, and got my car back, but...man...there's longer roads ahead in the very near future, and i jsut don't know what to do. or where i'm going. or how to pull that stupid cord.
how's that for a cheese-ball metaphor...
working on saturdays sucks. i know, there are lots of jobs that work on saturdays. and there are lots of different definitions of work and what all that entails...but working on a saturday at a job you already hate 5 other days of the week is just a disgrace. but this is sometimes the way things are. and if nothing else, i am true to my word and will work on saturday.
imagine my dismay this past saturday when i woke up to go to work and my car wouldn't start.
"they'll never take me alive, we all drive killer cars" - radiohead, killer cars
oh, car trouble. the last great unifier of the 'middle' and upper classes. for a long while there it seemed like airports and air travel might be the last great unifier, but no...car trouble wins.
i consider myself lucky that my alternator didn't give out at 2:30 in the morning, when i was trying to get home from an occassionally (frequently) unsavory neighborhood. i also consider myself lucky to know my neighbors and know that one of them (surely) would be able to jump my car and get me to work. which two of them did (yay for brittany and david). unfortunately, poor elsie's (that's my car) battery couldn't hold it together and the charge was completely gone by lunch - never to return.
as it turns out, i not only spent all day saturday at work, but a good portion of sunday in the parking lot at work waiting for a tow truck. when you put it all together, i was at work (even if just outside of it) for a good 10 hours last weekend. as opposed to the usual saturday 7. sigh.
the parking lot at work is, i assure you, just as fascinating as my actual job.
"the pump don't work cause the vandals took the handles" - bob dylan, subterranean homesick blues
the tow truck guy was awesome. like santa clause he came, and - as opposed to unloading his sleigh of magic - loaded his flat bed tow with my poor, sick car. thus began our journey across the city - me in lara's healthy accord (thank you lara), and tow man in his own cab.
our three vehicles - like soldiers bracing a fallen comrade - traveled to the place from whence elsie's battery came. the advanced auto parts in said occassionally sketchy neighborhood.
here's something: parking lot mechanics. dudes who are jsut trying to make a living by fixing cars in the parking lot of advanced auto parts. this makes my life difficult. not because i'm ungrateful, or because i don't trust these dudes, or because they seemed to be close to a fistfight over who would replace my alternator (which they correctly diagnosed as kaput before the computer did). this makes my life difficult because there was no way i could pay either of these guys. not with cash, not with check. because as it turns out, my day job (which is there so i can live and have money to spend on things i need and have health insurance and all that) provides me with no left over money for luxuries or for things i need (like food and health insurance and car repairs...etc...). so i had to ask my parents for help.
i did buy a brand spankin' new alternator at the store. the clerk (who was also an amazing human being, and i don't know his name but he kicked ass) brought it out to me on the side of the building where the dudes were not. i ran on my battery alone to the grocery store and home. this is not a good thing to do. batteries will die quickly this way. but i didn't have time to get it fixed sunday or monday and i needed it monday. i needed it friday, too so the whole 'putting this off' thing was not an optino either.
"thank you driver for gettin' me there" - the who, magic bus
ah, atlanta...the city that isn't manuverable without a car.
i only ended up scraping rides from lara and brian. brian took me to a party on sunday (after i was thouroughly tired and stinky) that was lovely and that i would have felt like a jerk if i missed. lara took me to the marta station so i could get downtown for an audition in the middle of the day monday. my car got me to work and home again on monday. yay elsie.
and then it got me to my sister's mechanic back a little bit past that self-same sketchy neighborhood. this guy, heath...he's great. super awesome. and he was open at 6am. which was good news since i had to catch a 7:25 bus to get to work by 9. well, a 7:25 bus to a 7:45 train, to a 7:58 train, to an 8:30 bus. to be at work. by 9. which i was. before 9, even.
"anyone can use public transport, sweetie" - edwina, absolutely fabulous
i have to say this - marta is not terrible. it seemed like it would be. well, no, let me back that up. i heart-a marta. the trains are great. and generally, when i refer to marta i refer to the train. unless there's a problem on the track (which, really is not that often) the trains run smoothly and on time. they're clean. and they make you feel like you live in a 'real' city, where you can actually get places on public transportation. because, for all that i love the trains and the disney-world like experience they apparently provide me with (it's especially surreal when you go from like, the candler park stop to five points or peachtree center...it's like you've gone to a whole different world), they only go down two streets. and i don't go to many places on those streets.
it's the buses that are scary, or less the buses themselves than the bus schedules. do yourself a favor...pick two places in atlanta - one that you would be traveling from (we'll call this 'point a') and somewhere on the other side of the city that you will be arriving at (let's call this 'point b') and make sure neither of them are on dekalb ave/decatur st/e college or peachtree street and they're not the airport. now, get the addresses for those places . google map them. look for the little bus stop signs on your google map. pick a time to arrive at point b. now, go to the marta website and try to find out what time you need to leave to get there.
i bet, even if it's a 15 minute drive, you'll need to leave an hour before. or even earlier if you're traveling at an off-peak time. this is assuming, of course, you were able to find a route that will actually be close to your destination. oh, a route that still runs since the marta website still lists a lot of those routes that they cut for budget purposes. good luck. especially if your map skills are as good as mine.
that said, for the intimidating build-up, the buses were clean and efficient. they didn't smell like urine. they were alright. and when you ride the bus, you get to play new games - games that aren't on the train. games like 'what's that smell?', 'is she a stripper or is she just wearing the shoes and getting out at club onyx?', and 'i hope know one knows how inadequate my knowledge of bus-riding is'. seriously. there's nothing like having a mini-panic attack at trying to figure out what cord to pull and when to pull it to get off the bus.
but it all worked out. and, perhaps because i went through neighborhoods i've never seen and gained new perspective on those i have, but while on the bus i came to love the bus and accept it for it's tarnished majesty.
also, the MLK drive marta station looks like a haunted version of the subway station in michael jackson's bad video. haunted and sunny. and all of this took me out of work mid-day for a good 2.5 hours on tuesday. not too shabby.
"but wait, there's more!" - any infomercial c.1993
there is more. this week has provided me with SOOO much more than just car woes. but, uh...i'm sick of writing.
i might write more tomorrow (sorry bout the cliffhanger) but we'll see.
i jsut want to say this...it's been difficult finding my point b lately. in everything. like, i figured out the marta, and got my car back, but...man...there's longer roads ahead in the very near future, and i jsut don't know what to do. or where i'm going. or how to pull that stupid cord.
how's that for a cheese-ball metaphor...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
