alright norcostco,

that's fucking it.

all i wanted to do was go pee. seriously. Seriously. that's, in fact, all i need to do. and for all the things this store doesn't have, we are lucky to actually have a bathroom. the women's room has two stalls, actually. and it has access from the sales floor.

now, i hate my job, hate doing customer service - although i'm good at it. so most days i hide in my hideous, salmon-colored office far from the sales floor. and then i'll have to pee, or kylee and bill will go out to smoke, or clint is busy and i'll hit the floor.

i don't like the salesfloor. not only does it leave you exposed to our crazy-ass customers, but it's also full of things that tweak me out - latex masks, plastic bugs, plastic spiders of varying sizes. i'm kind of a pussy when it comes to bugs and spiders. really. even the fake kinds. i readily admit it. and aside from the whole i might starve and die because i took it factor, the only other thing that really tweaks me out about this new gig is that i'm going to have to do a big ol' spider lesson. that said, yes...fucking norcostco has spiders of various sizes and construction scattered throughout the salesfloor. this disturbs me as much now as it has since day one of this stupid job.

but while i find these things chill-inducing and unpleasant to be in a 10 foot radius of, i can deal with most of them. there is, however one area of the store that i will not go in. first of, there's a full wall of half-masks - not the masqueradey kind, the scary-gross latex kind. second, on the ceiling beam thing (and interspersed with a autumn leaves garland...for some reason) is a fairly large plastic spider - the kind you may buy for some sadistic little boy. and third (and most imporant) there is a gigantic hairy spider just hanging out on the floor. it's not quite the size of the giant spiders that would attack adults in b-movies of the 50's, but it could definitely attack a toddler in one of those masterpieces of celluloid. i can take the masks. i can take the dangling rubbery spider on the ceiling (even though it may fall on me at any moment). but i cannot stand near the damn giant spider-thing. which is a shame since this little corner is directly across from my favorite part of the sales floor - the wall of facial hair.

so today.

all i wanted to do was pee. the bathrooms are down a very short hallway across from the register and sort of between the tech area and the make-up area. the make-up area has this wire bin thing with clearance items in it. and i turn the corner - averting my eyes from the free-standing kiosk of spiders, roaches, flies, and snakes as i often do - and i see that fucking giant brown spider thing perched on the clearance make-up rack. gaurding the mother-fucking bathroom.

i have two options, the way i see it... 1 suck it up, take an alternate route to the bathroom, pretend not to see it on your way in (goddam impossible), take a pee. or 2 write a stupid blog about your insane phobia of things that are inanimate and pee when you get home.

guess which option i chose...i hope it's not still raining while i drive home...