a series of open letters

dear life,

wow...it's been awhile, huh? well, guess what. i've had a series of startling revelations and apparently, i'm an actress. it's weird, i know.

what's that? oh, no...no i'm not 'an actress'...i'm just (at this moment in time) in demand to pretend to be other people. fictional people. more so than...well, ever, really.

it's super-bizarre no? yes. yes it is.

anyway, i wanted to let you know all that so that when you emerge from your theatre cocoon in a few months you're not totally blindsided by having to say things that are unscripted. and have real, actual interactions with people whom you've not seen in months and months. which reminds me...

gotta go, life. see you in january.

lurv
evel

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dear improv',

i miss you. can't wait to get back together.

lascivious wink...

hearts and stars,
evel

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dear brain,

i know...i know. i know that we've been stuck in windowless rooms with fake living spaces for a while. i know. and i know it's gonna be that way for a little while longer and i know you're getting a little stir crazy. it's okay. i still think you're great.

but, can we stop with the bizarre theatre-related anxiety dreams? can we? they're funny and all, great stories, but seriously - cut it out. i'd like to go back to all the other random shit that's equally funny and less prescient.

you're always with me. i like that about you.

gooo synapses!
evel

ps - please don't forget my lines!

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dear the tv show glee,

you suck. i hate you. i've watched two of you and you are really cloying and i am not a fan. also, why are all your female characters such grating stereotypes? and why doesn't jane lynch get more screen time/kudos for at least basing her stereotype in reality and making a really formidible and enjoyable villian?

and for that matter, why are my female friends putting up with this shit? stop watching bad tv. unless it's ANTM...

also, get a better sound editor - your musical numbers look like shit.

hates and skates,
evel

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dear dating,

i hate you, too. you're irritating.

grrrr
evel

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dear theatre,

thanks for giving me an excuse not to date. way to take a load off of me, no?

oh, and no thanks for reinforcing the concept of me being alone forever and never having enough money to retire/be financially independent.

and i reckon, thanks for smiling upon me the past few months.

i love you! i hate you!
evel

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dear vanity fair magazine,

look, i've never wanted to be famous...but now i'd really like to be interesting enough to be in you. in a non-scandalous way.

i'll work on it. but you guys are gonna have to lower your standards, okay? okay.

short-time reader, first time writer
evel

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dear fake chicken salad that i've been making and eating obsessively for the past week or so,

damn you're fine.

i want you inside me,
evel

weird

so, i had therapy on thursday. i've been in therapy for jsut shy of 2 years, and it's been really, really helpful. and my therapist is this great little hippie woman who will occassionally refer me to the spirit animal guide. she's neeto. she has a glitter wall in her therapy room.

anyway, usually there's some sort of crisis for me to bring to her. either my neuroses are out of control and i'm freaking out about something, or i'm just generally depressed, or whathaveya, depending on what's going on in the rest of my life. and so, thursday, i was doing my little monthly inventory of 'things i should probably talk to my therapist about', and i came up totally empty. nothing. nada.

this is not usual. usually there's somethign, anything tp talk to her about, but no. things are good. in fact, i may go so far as to say things are great. really. i'm still dirt poor, but i've done enough finagleing and odd-jobbing that i'm okay this month, and am hopeful that i'll be okay next month, too. had a really nice audition on monday for a part that's not all yuck-yucks and comic relief. got invited to do a staged reading that once again is beyond the kinds of things on my resume, and i'm feeling really great about it. hopeful about an audition for a commercial that could potentially save me in a lot, lot, lot of ways. going to the parking lot carnival tomorrow after i see my parents and my grandma, and my sister is coming with me. baconfest is almost here, and i'm really digging teaching the outreach class. and i really like my classes at jackpie, too. and then, it was also a beautiful day, and it's finally starting to be spring here (i say finally knowing full well that the equinox was only yesterday, but let's face it, i'm ready for spring by jan 2). and i've been good at saving money and finding fun and cheap things to do. so i felt great going into therapy. and then my therapist said, 'well, let's not make an appointment for next month, you just call me when you need me. or if you start seeing someone so you can see him for longer than a month.'

wha?

wow. i'm not gonna go so far as to say 'i'm healed', but defnitely, it appears that i have made measurable, positive progress in my mental health. this is really cool. but then immediately after i left my therapist's i felt i should start making up problems so that i could make another appointment. luckily, i realized that was in and of itself crazy, and that i should be happy to save $80 a month.

so, yeah. it's weird. but in a really, really good way.

and that's that.

march madness

no, not basketball.

no, not even go fug yourself march madness.

March Madness. the big thaw. the spring fever. the end of hibernation.

yes, i know that spring doesn't officially start until march 20. yes, i know that the grass in piedmont park is still sepia-toned. yes, i know that a week ago there was heavy snowfall here in georgia. i know. I know.

but it's been so ridiculous and spring time these past few days, i can't help but be ready for spring. and let's face it folks, i'ev been ready for spring since, like, january 15. because that's how i roll. i hate cold weather. Hate It. so ready for change.

and that's the big thing about spring and fall - change. Big Sweeping Change. which was really the whole theme of 2008 for me, but season changes make it much easier. and it's harder to see that with winter and summer because - down here at least - it seems like they slowly work their way into the tail end of spring and fall. also, winter sucks.

anyway, it's been a year so far. i haven't gone bankrupt yet (and it seems like i might make close to the minimum amount of money i need to survive this month), although i do owe taxes. my back and lamp got broken and i'm blaming the same thing for these events. i've had jury duty. gotten paid for some things, not paid for others. finally turned my heat on (and look forward to turning it off again in a few weeks). dated a dude. not dated a dude. become obsessed with yoga. tossing around the idea of going back to school this time for - drumroll please - fashion design. been to a trucker bar (seriously, it was AMAZING!). shopped at wal-mart (i know, but i had a reason). broke a tire, cracked my radiator and started making weekly drives to cumming, ga (ha) to teach high schoolers improvisation. started classes at jackpie. been to helen, ga. and now i'm excited about gonig to the big-ass parking lot carnival on sunday and bacon fest in two-ish weeks.

and no, i still don't have a second part-time job. but i'm making things work, somehow, and i can't ask for much more than that. i have food and a place to live. and an amazing network of family and friends who forgive me for my winter solitude and general tendency to be too busy to pull my ass out of my head and say hello every once in a while.

so yes. it is springtime. i have the march madness. i am so fucking ready for the warm spots in this year.