oh...dear...god...

it's another one of those moping about my life choices blog! yay!

so, yes. november is fast approaching. by my calculations, once i've written my rent check and paid for therapy and that other bill that's due in the first week of november, i'll have about $35 in my checking account until my next payday. which will be nov 14. this is assuming i don't buy groceries, take money out of my account, or need anything urgently that i don't currently own.

oh shit. Oooooohhhh shit.

so, um...i'm about to have a real big problem. i do have some savings, yes, and i'm comfortable taknig up to 200 more dollars out of savings. but, um...that's not gonig to be enough. let's put it this way...i'm making about 65% of what i had been making per month for the past, oh, 2.5 years. this is not okay. especially since what i had been making didn't really give me any money leftover at the end of each month for savings.

and i have been applying for any and every possible non-waiting tables job that is part-time that i can find. it's rough. it's really rough out there. and right now, it's not looking so good.

so...whereas before, i was having difficulty sleeping because of teaching the spider lesson at my otherwise nifty-but-part-time job, i am now having difficulty sleeping because of my financial situation created largely by my unwillingness to remain unhappy at a nightmare job.

theory - if it holds true - is that i am happier now. and to a large extent, yes. i am. but uh...wow am i worried. Wow. wow.

add to that, there's a lot of other shit happening right now. nevermind the whole national/international economic crisis and it being election season (which is stressful enough on its own), but then there's a lot of weird personal things happening right now including my further demonstrated inability to date successfully, octagenarian that i love and their many varied health crises, my sister having a really rough time of it right now, and impending mysterious changes at my artistic institute of choice (the one where don't get paid), and it's fucking cold already. it's uh...it's a lot.

and i hate to say it - especially since for the most part this year has been really positive for me, and on the whole i feel like i'm in a lot better 'headspace' now than i was 12 months ago - but the astrologers were right. 100%. i do, to an extent, fall into that horoscopery bullshit. no, my daily horoscope usually doesn't mean anything. and usually, i don't remember or care about the 'yearly astrological predictions', but all the ones that i read for 2008 essentially said that this year would be a doozy. and a doozy it has been. just...one thing after another this year. broad, sweeping, constant change. in all areas all teh time.

so i guess what i'm saying is, i'd like to get paid to be stable. maybe it's like a dare. like 'i dare you to not make any ginormous life changes for at least a week and to roll with the people around you making ginormous life changes in a pleasant manner and if you can do that, i'll give you $300'. Okay. sign me up. dare accepted! give me the $300! or even $100. or $10. whatever. i just...sigh..

okay, well...i'm going to go see if any online surveys need me to take them. i'm being dead serious, i signed up for like three 'get paid to take free online surveys' services yesterday. in addition to applying for a bunch of jobs.

heigh-ho...